Franiqua Patterson
A Girl Lost
Some days I feel I’m a lost cause,
some days I feel I am standing tall.
Most days I feel like I just don’t
know at all. Most of all I just want
to blend, sometimes doing things that
make me feel so uncomfortable
within my skin. Mentally going missing
for days, weeks, and sometimes months
at a time without even being noticed
that I’m stuck deep within. Chasing my
thoughts because they won’t stop pacing.
Running, running from all the pain and
scars. Loving money, sex, drugs and
materialistic things just to feel the void
where my heart should have been. Praying
and thinking when will my new life
begin, because remember some days I
feel like I am standing tall. On those
days I wake up and breathe and try
to push past my darkest memories.
Shower, breakfast and start my day.
Show the world I can make it, really
make it out of No way! one foot in
front of the other because today is
really gonna be the day. The day I
shed layers upon layers of pain stuck
deep inside, pain that for years no one
would take the blame for. I just want to
create a way for this Black Girl Lost
with so many dreams of winning to
continue to stand tall.
Thoughts of a Lost Girl
Toxic!! Toxic!! How could that be?
Because I was raised in a dysfunctional
family. No trust, no love, no loyalty.
Relationships based on lies. It was no
other way to be. But somehow, some way,
all these non-emotional feelings they had,
had skipped ME. I loved them all even
when they were my own enemy, still
trusting they would come back and save.
Stayed loyal even when they proved
that they had no loyalty to me. All my
relationships was based on lies, but for
some strange reason I just wanted to
stay blind, because all the years of
searching I still can’t understand why
they all hate me. Because I have trust,
loyalty, and I’m so loving. They can’t see
why we all came from this same
dysfunctional family and all the traits
they share just seem to have missed
me.